Appassionata
by Dommi-chan
Summary: Seamus is having difficulties with his love life. No good can come of this....


Appassionata  
Another useless Harry Potter fic  
By Dommi-chan  
  
This is...almost but not quite a sequel to Easier Said.... It takes place in the same universe and following it. You prolly won't get some of the things that are referenced in this story unless you read the other first, and I strongly recommend you read ES first. Takes place about a month later during sixth year. For the record/stubborn people who don't want to read ES: Blaise and Hermione are dating (and Blaise is a guy,) Harry likes ABBA, Seamus is a freaking idiot, and Dean is prone to migraines.  
  
Again, nothing but retardedness, although there are some revelations as well for my personal HP-verse. You'll never guess who Seamus is in love with. Two hints: Not Dean and Not Lavender. Oh...if homosexuality, innuendo, stalking, and Seamus being a dolt bother you...well then don't read past this sentence. Flaming will merely be laughed at and then deleted. Notes concerning pop culture references and where the idea came from are at the end like last time.  
  
Side note: FF.net needs to get with it and put more HP characters in their drop-down menus. I haven't been able to list this OR Easier Said properly because of it.  
  
And again, my condolences for reading this.  
  
  
  
"And when I enter hell…yes, I will enter hell;  
It will be a hell fashioned by my hands.   
Unlike the hells of dispassionate men,   
A hell where the minutes devour the days,  
And where the hours hover above the years,   
Where the heavenly sands, falling, in a daze, suspend in mid-air to kiss that hellish glaze…."  
~From "On Beethoven's Appassionata, by Alec Ekmekji   
  
  
Inevitably, when a person attends school they become known for doing certain things; things like what sports they played or how well they did at academics or for something as simple as being a bully. A good example of this is Harry Potter. His aliases included The Boy Who Lived, The Youngest Seeker in a Century, The Triwizard Tournament Champion, and (future) Best All Around.  
  
Another good example is Ron Weasley. His aliases included The Boy Who Lived's Best Friend, Hogwarts Chess Champion five years in a row, Ginny's Older and Favourite Brother, and The Youngest Weasley Boy.  
  
Yet another example is Hermione Granger. Her aliases included (future) Valedictorian, Granger the Great Student, Most Likely to Be Head Girl as She Has the Highest GPA of the Prefects, and Slytherin Prefect Blaise Zabini's girlfriend.  
  
Our final example is Seamus Finnigan. His aliases included That Wacky Irish Guy, The Gryffindor Clown, and (future) Best Smile.   
  
The thing other thing about school is when a person deviates from what is commonly associated with them, it tends to cause a form of upheaval. Mass confusion, if you like. Pandemonium could work even better.  
  
This story is about what happened when Seamus deviated from his norm and how the school nearly tore itself apart as a result.  
  
  
*~*Thursday, February 12th*~*  
  
Typically, the five o'clock hour was Seamus Finnigan's favourite time of day. Classes were done for the day at the Hogwarts school of Witchcraft and Wizardry. Quidditch teams were taking off for practice, some people were heading to the library to study, and other students heading to the common rooms just to relax. Couples everywhere were to be seen, as Valentine's Day was a mere 48 hours away.  
  
Today was different. Couples were the last thing Seamus wanted to see as he trudged up the stairs to the Gryffindor tower alone, book bag in hand. He silently walked alone, made his way to the Fat Lady's portrait, mumbled the password ("What's the matter, dear? You look as though someone died....") and stepped inside.  
  
A psychotically happy Ginny Weasley greeted him.  
  
"Seamus! You'll never believe it!! Guess who just asked me to go to the Valentine's ball with him?"  
  
Ah, yes, one other little detail worth mentioning; this year at Hogwarts, Dumbledore had decided in all of his wisdom to plan a Valentine's Day Ball for the students. Students were encouraged to ask their dates via various enchantments and silly poems covered in pink glitter.  
  
Seamus dropped his books and sighed. "Who Ginny?"  
  
"Terry Boot! Isn't that fantastic?? He's so dreamy and nice and...Seamus, I'm sensing a distinct lack of enthusiasm. Is something wrong?"  
  
"I asked her. I finally asked her."  
  
"And I take it from your complete and utter despair, she declined."  
  
Seamus buried his head in his hands. "Why did I ask her? Why? I knew no good would come of it...."  
  
Ginny knelt down and patted him on the shoulder reassuringly. "You had to try, Seamus. I mean, you really like her right? If you're not willing to take risks then might miss your chance."  
  
Seamus groaned inside his hands. "I thought she liked me. I thought...I thought I had a chance. I even sent her that singing telegram...." Singing telegrams in the wizard world were a slight variation on the old theme; the telegrams literally sing, not the person presenting it.  
  
Ginny double-taked. "That was you? I was wondering where that singing came from...genius using the Barry Manilow song though. Very nice touch, that."  
  
Seamus shook his head, then finally looked up. "Gin, what am I going to do? I really thought she liked me. I guess I just embarrassed her. Stupid Seamus always mucking things up, especially with girls he really likes."  
  
"Don't talk about yourself like that!! What you need is a good strong dose of self-confidence! Now repeat after me...'I'm good enough, I'm smart enough, and gosh darnit! People like me'!"  
  
Seamus could only mumble and look dejected. Ginny looked at him sadly.  
  
"You know, if she refused you, you don't deserve her anyways. I mean there are plenty of girls in this school who'd love to be escorted by you to the ball."  
  
He snorted. "Right. Because I'm so bloody wonderful. I'm not Harry. I'm not Blaise. I'm not Malfoy. I'm not Ron. Therefore, to the female population of Hogwarts, I count for nothing. And they're right, there's nothing about me that's worth noticing."  
  
"Seamus…what you need is confidence! A good heaping dose of confidence. And I have a good way of acquiring some quickly, if you're up to it."  
  
Seamus nodded bleakly.  
  
"Hrm...all right." Ginny paused, and then a grin that Fred and George would be proud of spread across her face. "I have an idea. Meet me at the Potions classroom after supper…."  
  
-----------------  
  
At around seven p.m., several things were happening at Hogwarts at once. Teachers were consulting their lesson plans for the following day. A few students were sneaking off to go on dates. More students were getting ready for the exciting new episode of Friends. (February sweeps!) The Gryffindor Quidditch team was attempting to practice, cross because the Slytherin team was watching...with pudding balloons.  
  
And down in the Slytherin dungeons, outside Classroom C, Ginny and Seamus loitered nervously. They had seen Snape leave anxiously to go to the Quidditch pitch of all places (something about Malfoy, some pudding, and Harry crashing into the Ravenclaw stands) and he had yet to return. The coast was, for the moment, clear. Quietly they snuck into Snape's class, and with a couple quick Lumos spells, found their way through the room to Snape's bookcase.   
  
Ginny peered at the books for a moment, brightened, then grabbed one particular book. She handed it to Seamus triumphantly. He looked at the cover.  
  
"Potions for Dummies? I didn't even know they made Wizard versions of this series...and why would Snape have it?  
  
Ginny looked at Seamus. "Well, obviously, he wrote it. Be careful with it though, it's quite obviously a Severus Snape production. It's also an advance copy-it's not available in stores yet. And of course there are Wizard versions...there's Quidditch for Dummies, Transfiguration for Dummies, Animagi for Dummies, Charms for Dummies, and so on." Ginny smiled. "All of your answers are in that book there, Seamus. They're all on page 457. Good luck!" And with that, she ran off.  
  
Realizing how it would look if Snape were to come back, Seamus quickly followed. He ran all the way back to the Gryffindor Tower, hurriedly said the password ("That's the Seamus we know and love!" the Fat Lady called), and ran up to the Sixth Year Boys room. He stared longingly at the book, but as he had a ton of homework to do decided that it could wait. He grabbed his copy of Advanced Transfigurations and set about his assignments.  
  
It wasn't until about nine that he finally opened Potions for Dummies. He thumbed through a bit of the beginning, noticed that it was very obvious that Snape wrote it (although the pictures of good old Sevvie looking surly and annoyed would have also tipped the one off), and thumbed to the middle, page number 457.   
  
"The Bravado Draught: Used for bringing out one's extreme inner confidence in order to get what one wants," he read out loud thoughtfully. "That must be what Ginny wanted me to concoct." He got up and went to his trunk, where he retrieved his potions kit and started to get to work, kicking the book closed as he went. He sat back down only to notice the closed book. "Oh, bugger." He reopened the book and started making his potion, hoping that Ginny's plan would work.  
  
-----------------  
  
Meanwhile, outside Severus Snape's office, two Aurors stood examining the scene. Apparently, the Professor had had the advance copy of his new book stolen.  
  
-----------------  
  
About an hour later, Seamus's potion was ready. He poured himself a glass and debated over it for a moment. 'Only one way to know if this will work….' He grabbed the glass and downed it all in one gulp. 'Hrm…tastes rather like chocolate and strawberries.' Noticing how much he had left in his cauldron, he went ahead and poured himself another glass and downed it as well. Pretty soon, Seamus had finished off the whole cauldron.   
  
'It must be working! I feel more confident already. Hmmmm…it also appears that I have to take a massive piss.' He quickly grabbed his pajamas, dressing gown, and toothbrush and decided to go ahead and get ready for sleep. None of the other guys were up yet; probably still carousing in the Common Room. He took advantage of the quiet and got to bed quickly.  
  
Little did Seamus realize that the potion was working…just not in the way he thought.  
  
-----------------  
  
*~*Friday, February 13th*~*  
  
Seamus walked down the steps to the Great Hall excitedly and full of energy. He really did feel more confident today. He was going to ask her to the Ball again. And then he was going to buy Ginny Weasley an expensive gift, God Bless her. Now to see about breakfast. He sat at his usual seat at the Gryffindor table, in between Dean and Lavender. Dean murmured a quick hello as he loaded his plate with sausages and tomatoes. And Lavender….  
  
"Oh! Hello Seamus!!" Lavender had brightened at the sight of him, a rather strange smile appearing on her face. She started nervously smoothing her hair. "Did you sleep all right last night?"   
  
Seamus smiled at her. Lavender blushed for some reason. "Yeah, like a rock!"  
  
She leaned in closer. "Oh that's simply WONDERFUL." She started playing with his hair. He dropped his fork. Dean's eyes widened a bit. "So tell me Seamus…did you find a date yet? Because I know for a fact that you are just what the doctor ordered for someone I know…."  
  
Seamus suddenly felt rather uncomfortable. Sure, he and Lavender had had a brief thing during fourth year, but she had never been quite so…touchy. Maybe he shouldn't have had so much of that potion; it must be making him exhibit too much confidence or something. "Uh, actually no I haven't. I asked someone but she turned me down. So I'm still free."  
  
"Excellent," she purred, shifting even closer to him. "Then…how about it?"  
  
"How about what?"  
  
"You and I. The ball. Together all night. We can dance until the sun comes up."   
  
"Uh…Lavender? I thought you were going with Ron…."  
  
"Ron? Oh Ron! Yes…well Ron is nice and all. But he's nothing compared to the man that you are, Seamie." If she got any closer to him, she'd be in his lap. Dean cleared his throat.  
  
"Lavender, Seamus does have a good point. You can't just dump Ron for him-that wouldn't be right."  
  
"Oh, he'd understand. How about it, Seamie?"  
  
"Oh that's enough Lavender," Parvati had arrived. "Leave him alone."  
  
Seamus began edging his chair away from Lavender. "Yeah…sorry I just don't feel comfortable going with you…Ron is a good friend of mine after all."  
  
"Exactly. And anyways, we all know that Seamus is going to the ball with me"  
  
Dean spat his juice across the table. "What?!?!"  
  
"Oh, right. I guess I should have talked to you first. Sorry, Dean, I'd rather go with Seamus. Hope you don't mind." Parvati now had her arms around Seamus's shoulders, and was leaning on him. Seamus was extremely confused. And Dean was *glaring* at him.   
  
"Uhm…Parvati. If I don't feel comfortable going with Lavender because of Ron, I doubly don't feel comfortable going with you. Dean's my best friend remember?"  
  
Parvati was pouting now. Dean's glare was gone. Lavender however had a decidedly angry look on her face. And for some reason, Colin Creevy was snapping pictures of him. 'Funny…I don't see Harry anywhere….'  
  
"Parvati…can I have a word with you?" That was odd. Lavender didn't get angry very often, and certainly not over Parvati chatting up Seamus.  
  
"Certainly. Have two even." The two girls walked away, whispering angrily to each other. Hermione walked up to the table. There was clearly something wrong with her. For one thing, she didn't have a single book in her hands. For another, instead of bee-lining to her boyfriend as per usual, she headed straight for Seamus. And thirdly, she was wearing makeup.   
  
"Oh Seamus there you are! I've simply been looking *everywhere* for you!" She leant in towards him, and smiled brightly. He swallowed nervously. And then he took a look around and noticed something rather strange.  
  
Every single girl in the Great Hall was STARING at him. Most had goofy vacant expressions. A few looked jealous of Hermione. A couple were smiling back at him. He also dimly noticed a few of the males staring as well.   
  
And at that moment, Seamus Finnigan suddenly felt very nauseous. And confused. And scared.  
  
"Hullo, Seamus!" Etoile Zisselman, a third year Hufflepuff, was waving to him.  
  
"Oh Seamus, don't you look handsome today." Cho Chang with a bright smile on her face.  
  
"Seamus, I do hope you'll sit with me in Herbology today." Susan Bones had come up behind him and was whispering in his ear.  
  
Oh…dear…GOD.  
  
He wasn't entirely sure why, but he needed to get out. NOW. He leapt up from the table really quickly. "I…I…need to go see Madame Pomfrey!"  
  
"I'll walk with you!!!" That couldn't have been less than twenty voices.  
  
"NO!!!!!" Everyone looked confused. "I mean…no, thank you. I can mange. I'll see you all later."  
He had never run so quickly in his entire life.  
  
-----------------  
  
While all of this was happening, a few more Aurors had arrived and were asking Snape questions. He looked rather cross. The Aurors were now magically dusting for fingerprints and searching for clues.  
  
-----------------  
  
Seamus was still running. He looked back over his shoulder and kept running. That is, until he knocked into someone and fell down on top of them.  
  
"Mister Finnigan! Last time I checked the hallways of this school are not a running track! I have half a mind to take points from Gryffindor for this!"  
  
Oh hell. McGonagall. He would have to crash into her wouldn't he. This was awkward. He was laying on top of the Deputy Headmistress, who was flat on her back beneath him. He started his brain on coming up with an excuse when she began talking again.  
  
"I won't, however. But, I do insist that you help me gather my things."   
  
"Of…of course, Professor! Here…let me just…." He moved as though he was going to stand up. She grabbed his arm and pulled him back down. He blinked a few dozen times.  
  
"I…didn't say you had to move. In fact, I'd rather that you didn't. Fifty points from Gryffindor if you get up."  
  
"Uh…Pr-Professor? Don't you think that…this is a bit…um…."  
  
"No. And please, call me Minerva." Funny. He couldn't recall her ever speaking in THAT tone to anyone before. Nor had he ever heard her tell a student to use her first name.  
  
"Oh. Um. Right then." He started very quickly gathering up the books and parchment she had dropped.  
  
"SLOWLY, Seamus. Gather them…slowly." Slowly, Minerva McGonagall put her arms around the boy's waist. Seamus froze.  
  
"Um…Pro…Minerva…I really do need to get to the hospital wing. So erm if you don't mind…."  
  
"Help me up, Seamus, and I'll escort you there." Oh Lord, even McGonagall was coming on to him? What in the hell was IN that potion? "Madame Pomfrey will fix you up with no problems and I'll take you to the Greenhouse." He got up off of the teacher and handed her belongings to her.  
  
"Um…that's really not necessary. Thank you for the offer. I'll be fine."  
  
"Such a brave boy. But, I must insist." She linked her arm through his and started walking him towards the Hospital Wing. And again, every girl in the vicinity was staring at him. Quite a few were glaring at McGonagall. The boys were gaping in shock. (Ernie MacMillan was taking notes AGAIN, and Colin was still taking pictures and there still was no Harry to be found.)   
  
As he entered the Infirmary with Professor McGonagall on his arm, Seamus wondered for the tenth time that morning exactly what was going on.  
  
-----------------  
  
"G'Morning, Dean!"  
  
"Morning, Ron."  
  
"You haven't seen Lavender, have you? I need to know what time she wants me to get her for the Ball tomorrow…."  
  
"YOU VAPID WHORE!"  
  
"OW! MY HAIR! GET OFF ME, BITCH!"  
  
"HE'S GOING WITH ME!"  
  
"THE HELL YOU SAY!"  
  
Dean pointed nonchalantly to the screaming. Ron's eyes widened. Lavender was pulling Parvati's hair. Parvati was biting Lavender's arm. Lavender stepped on Parvati's foot. Parvati was ripping Lavender's sweater.  
  
"Maybe uh…someone should stop this?" Parvati had just taken out one of Lavender's knees and the girls were now wrestling on the floor rather immodestly. Dean's eyes were bugging out of his head. Ron was all but openly drooling. "Or not. Whatever."   
  
"You both need to stop this at once!" Cho had grabbed the two girls and made them stand up properly. "As Head Girl, I will not idly stand by while this happens." Lavender blew her hair out of her face. Parvati wiped her mouth off. "We all know that he's going to the Ball with me." The two friends stared at each other. Then….  
  
"SOD OFF CHANG! HE'S MINE!"  
  
"HE BELONGS ONLY WITH ME! SCREW YOU BOTH!"  
  
The catfight had just expanded to include the Ravenclaw. Mass cheering occurred from the boys, especially when their skirts rode up. A few more girls got into the fray, all screaming about how they were getting taken to the ball by "him." And at this moment that Ron managed to shake himself out of his hormone-induced stupor to ask a question.  
  
"Dean…who are they fighting over? Is it me? Because if it's me well…." Ron straightened his tie.  
  
"Seamus."  
  
"Beg pardon, Dean?" Ron's train of thought had just derailed.  
  
"Seamus. Apparently, every girl, and even some of the boys, want Seamus. There's something about Seamus." There was the sound of plates shattering and more screaming.  
  
Ron winced. "Bloody hell…."  
  
"My thoughts exactly."  
  
"Dean?"  
  
"Yes?"  
  
"Is it wrong that I was turned on by that?"  
  
"…Too much information, Ron…."  
  
-----------------  
  
Seamus Finnegan was a man on the run.  
  
After witnessing a very disturbing argument between Madame Pomfrey and Professor McGonagall that had deteriorated into McGonagall trying to transfigure the school nurse into an ottoman and Pomfrey trying to blind McGonagall with her fingernails, he had slipped rather quietly out the door. He was currently searching for someone who could help him.   
  
He was looking over his shoulder and again he ran smack into someone. They rolled a few feet and then stopped. When his senses had returned, Seamus had noticed that he was on his back this time.  
  
With Justin Finch-Fletchley on top of him.  
  
"Erm…hullo, Justin. If you…don't mind? I need to uh…be somewhere else."  
  
"I'm not going anywhere. This is where I've belonged my whole life." Justin had settled himself quite nicely onto Seamus's chest. He rested his head in the crook of Seamus's neck and sighed. "It feels so right laying here like this, doesn't it?"  
  
Seamus felt his eyes go really wide. He had always heard the rumours about Justin. He was also familiar with the boy's nickname, "Flaming Finch-Fletchley." However, he had never seen it firsthand. Before now, that is.  
  
"Erm…Justin. I think you had better…I think we had better not do this in the middle of the halls."  
  
Justin moved so that he was looking at Seamus directly. "Oh my, my, my, Mr. Finnigan. I'm not normally that kind of boy."  
  
"Uh…what?" There were playful fingers dancing up and down his chest. He sucked in his breath very quickly and was searching for a way out.  
  
"The only question left then is…your dorm or mine, lover?" Justin smirked down at Seamus, a rather dirty glint in his eyes. Okay. This officially wasn't funny anymore. Maybe it was just a nightmare. Yup. He'd wake up any moment now. Any minute now. Come on wake up, Seamus.  
  
*click* *click* *whir* *click click*  
  
Strange. Not only was he having a nightmare, but he was hearing a weird clicking noise and seeing bright flashes of light.  
  
"Creevy, just what do you think you're doing? My boyfriend and I would like a private moment."  
  
The younger boy blushed. "Erm…just…documenting…Seamus."  
  
"Why? He's not Harry Potter. Harry Potter's nowhere to be found." Justin was now sitting up on his knees in front of Seamus, his arms crossed and a very put-out look on his face. Colin was blushing furiously now. And suddenly, the reason behind his constant fascination with Harry was very clear. Not to mention somewhat disturbing.  
  
"Well…it's…for my own personal…collection…." Colin was very clearly trying to figure out the best direction to run.  
  
"You sneaky little voyeur. Give me that camera right now!" Justin went over to Colin, who took one look at the sight of him and ran.  
  
"No! You can't have it!! They're MY pictures!" The two were speeding down the corridor, Justin cursing and Colin yelling for help the whole way. Seamus was just laying in a daze on the floor, wondering now for the seventieth time what was going on.  
  
"Come here often?" He stared up into the eyes of Ron Weasley and Dean Thomas. "Need some help?"  
  
"You're not gay are you?"   
  
"No! Why? I don't…I don't have a quality do I?" Ron looked panicked. Dean rolled his eyes.  
  
"We're not in love with you, Seamus. Although, I do believe we're in the minority on that one today…." Dean reached down and helped Seamus up.   
  
"Thanks, Dean." Seamus straightened himself up. "So um…what did I miss?"  
  
"Aside from every house losing one hundred points, the catfight of the century, and finding out that Pansy Parkinson doesn't wear a bra? Not much." Ron furrowed his brow. "Seamus, what did you do? Every single girl in the school fancies you to the point of violence. Guys are being dumped left and right over you…some of them are after you for themselves. What is going on?"  
  
"I've no idea. I just woke up this morning and came down to breakfast like normal. Next thing I knew, Lavender was hitting on me, then Parvati, then Hermione, then Hannah, Cho, Etoile…I had to get out of there. So I ran, knocked myself and McGonagall over, and SHE was coming on to me! Her and Madame Pince came to blows over me, and when I left Finch-Fletchley was all about to…to molest me! Fortunately Colin Creevy distracted him and that's when you two showed up…." Seamus was out of breath now; repeating the day's events had only unhinged him more.  
  
Ron was stunned. Dean was pinching the bridge of his nose. And Blaise Zabini was walking up to them.  
  
"Hello Blai----" Seamus was cut off by Blaise punching him in the face. He fell like a ton of bricks. Blaise grimaced and shook his hand out. Dean rushed over to Seamus as Ron held Blaise back.  
  
"Dammit, Finnigan! You have a bloody hard face! That hurt! But don't think I won't do it again!"  
  
"Blaise, what is your problem?! And whatever it is, was the hitting really necessary?" Dean was helping his friend sit up. Seamus was rubbing his rapidly bruising jaw with a glassy expression.  
  
"He stole my girl."  
  
"What?!" Ron and Dean in unison.  
  
"He stole my girl. Hermione just broke up with me. Something about her and Seamus and a torrid, secret love affair. Said she couldn't go on pretending anymore. How long, Finnigan?"  
  
"What?"  
  
"How long has this been going on? Before she and I got together? When?!?" His voice cracking on the last few words, Blaise looked as though any minute now he'd just beat Seamus to death with his bear hands.  
  
"Blaise…Hermione's not herself right now." Seamus was still rubbing his jaw. "I'm not sure why but…she's in love with me. So is every other female in the school. So are some of the males."  
  
"Oh that's just bloody brilliant! Not content with my girlfriend, no you just have to take everyone else's! What a greedy sod you are, Finnigan!"  
  
Dean rubbed his temples a few times. "Zabini…listen to us. We don't know why this is happening. It just is. Seamus is terrified. None of us has a clue. He didn't steal Hermione. And we promise, you'll get her back. Now…are you going to help us figure out what is going on or are you just going to keep hitting things?"   
  
Blaise was embarrassed. "Oh. Uh…sorry about the hitting thing. I just…I really care about Hermione. Having her break up with me…it sort-of unhinged me. So the blaming. Yeah." He coughed and looked away.  
  
"It's all right. I'm sure I would have hit me as well. Only maybe not so hard." He smiled and Blaise smiled weakly back.   
  
Ron crossed his arms. "Well…while this moment is wonderful and all…we need to figure out what exactly is going on here. Seamus…can you think of anything that you've done that would cause this?"  
  
"All I did was make a confidence potion last night…what was it…the Bravado Draught. Sure I took more of it than I should have, but I wouldn't think an overdose would cause me to be stalked by sixty percent of the school's population…."  
  
Blaise frowned. "No. It shouldn't have. I'm familiar with the Bravao Draught…it's one of those anti-overdose potions where if you take a higher quantity than what the directions state, it only nullifies the effects."  
  
Dean nodded. Ron and Seamus blinked. Dean rolled his eyes. "Oh honestly, what do you two do during class? The crossword? It means the more you take, the less functional the potion is. Therefore, Seamus should have even less confidence than he did before. He certainly shouldn't be the object of the school's collective affections."   
  
It was at this moment that Neville Longbottom and Harry Potter ran up to the quartet, Neville looking excited and Harry looking confused.  
  
"Did you all hear? There's a riot in the Great Hall! The girls are all falling and fighting over…oh. Hullo, Seamus. I um…didn't see you…." Neville broke off at the expression on the boys faces. Ron had a look on his face that screamed "been there, done that." Dean's brows were furrowed. Blaise was still frowning. And Seamus looked scared witless. "I…I reckon you all have heard?"  
  
"Some of us were there," Dean sighed. He shot Blaise a sympathetic glance. "Others have been on the harsher receiving end of things."  
  
Neville's jaw dropped. "Hermione…she didn't….?"  
  
"Afraid so. Signed, sealed, and delivered, one 'Dear Blaise' letter. Which also demonstrates another problem. There's no one in this school better than Hermione at research. Who are we going to get to help us now?"  
  
At that moment, a psychotically happy Ginny Weasley ran over to them. Only this time she was carrying what looked like a boom box with her. Everyone stared at her.  
  
"Seamus! There you are! I've been searching for you *everywhere*!"  
  
"Of course you have," Ron muttered. Ginny set down the stereo.  
  
"I have something that I'd like to do for you, Seamus. Something I've wanted to cut loose and do for a very long time…."  
  
Seamus was frozen. "Uh…uh…okay. Sure, Ginny…."  
  
Suddenly, Ginny whipped off her robe to reveal a red, gold, and green sequined black dress with a red skirt. She was wearing character shoes and smiled cheekily as she pressed play. A loud guitar riff came out as she began to sing.  
  
"My, my, at Waterloo Napoleon did surrender---   
Oh yeah, and I have met my destiny in quite a similar way.   
The history book on the shelf,  
Is always repeating itself….  
  
Waterloo - I was defeated, you won the war!   
Waterloo - Promise to love you forever more!   
Waterloo - Couldn't escape if I wanted to!   
Waterloo - Knowing my fate is to be with you!   
Waterloo - Finally facing my Waterloo!"  
  
Ginny had a bright smile on her face as she swayed and snapped to the music. The boys just stared at her in shock. Seamus was backing away slowly.   
  
"My, my, I tried to hold you back but you were stronger.   
Oh yeah, and now it seems my only chance is giving up the fight…   
And how could I ever refuse?   
I think that I win when I lose…."  
  
"It's 'I feel like I win when I lose'," muttered Harry sullenly. Blaise and Neville looked at him. "What?" They just shook their heads and went back to staring at Ginny.  
  
"Waterloo - I was defeated, you won the war!   
Waterloo - Promise to love you forever more!   
Waterloo - Couldn't escape if I wanted to!   
Waterloo - Knowing my fate is to be with you!   
Waterloo - Finally facing my Waterloo!"  
  
She was right in front of Seamus now, down on her knees as if begging. Ron buried his face in his hands and mumbled something about the family dignity being gone.  
  
"So, how could I ever refuse?  
I think that I win when I lose…. (Harry got a cross look on his face.)  
  
Waterloo - Couldn't escape if I wanted to!   
Waterloo - Knowing my fate is to be with you!   
Waterloo - Finally facing my Waterloo!   
Waterloo - Knowing my fate is to be with you!   
Waterloo - Finally facing my Waterloo!   
Waterloo - Knowing my fate is to be with you!"  
  
For her big finish, Ginny was now standing face-to-face with Seamus. She grabbed him and started kissing him. Ron grabbed her and yanked her off of the Irishman. Seamus slowly sank to the ground in shock.  
  
"Virginia Weasley! If Mum and Dad were to see this, they'd tar and feather you so quickly…."  
  
"Oh bugger off, Ron! Seamus Finnigan is my SOUL MATE! I'm allowed to snog him if I wish!" Dean choked at the use of the phrase 'soul mate'. "Oh Seamus baby, did you like the song?"  
  
Seamus stared blankly into space. A person's best female friend doing a song and dance routine and then randomly snogging them tends to have that affect.  
  
"Ginny…go…go play or something. We need to talk to Seamus." Ron still had a hold of his sister, a closed expression on his face.  
  
Ginny pouted. "Seamus baby?"  
  
"Ginny…go. We…have to uh ask Seamus how much he loves you. So we can uh help him…buy you a present. Erm…that's it." Neville's eyes darted back and forth. The boy wasn't known for his skill with lying.  
  
Ginny beamed. Then she giggled. "Oh! Okay! I'll just run along then!!" She grabbed her robe and her stereo giddily. "Oh, and my favourite colour's purple!" And then she was gone.  
  
The boys all looked at each other.  
  
"Well…that was random." Dean's mind was still boggling. "And so disturbingly school talent show."  
  
"Girl does have a voice on her. You must be proud, Ron." Blaise was snickering.  
  
"Oh, sod off. Seamus…you all right?"  
  
Incoherent squeaking noises were all that Seamus could manage.   
  
"I'm going to go on a limb and say no, you're not." Ron peered down at him. "Stress must be getting to him."  
  
Harry was helping Seamus up off the ground. He pulled a little too quickly though because Seamus fell a bit into Harry's chest. Which wasn't a bad thing, because it brought him out of his stupor.  
  
"Oh. Thanks, Harry. I don't know what…Harry?" Harry was staring at him with a strange expression, almost like he had never seen Seamus before. "Earth to Harry?"  
  
It was so low he almost didn't hear it. "You have blue eyes," Harry murmured.  
  
"Sorry?" Seamus was starting to feel scared again. Harry shook himself.  
  
"Oh…I'm sorry. I guess I had just never noticed that before." He cleared his throat and looked away as he took a step back from the other boy. "So um…how are we going to fix this?"  
  
"Well…we can look through Snape's books. See if there is some kind of…delusting potion. We can administer it to the whole school at dinner. Then hopefully, we can all just go back to our regularly scheduled lives, already in progress."   
  
Neville looked at them. "They have delusting potions?"  
  
Blaise nodded. "Yes, potions plural. And therein lies the problem. I can think of ten off the top of my head. How will we know which is the right one?"  
  
No one had an answer for him.  
  
-----------------  
  
Cornelius Fudge was now outside Snape's office, discussing things with the Potions Master. The Ministry Forensics team had apparently located a hair. Hopefully it belonged to one of the culprits….  
  
-----------------  
  
"So, when's everything going to be finished?" Neville had a yo-yo and was practicing tricks with it.  
  
"Hopefully by July. The foundation's already been laid. After they put up the basic framework of the walls, the plumbing can be put into place." It had been decided that Blaise, Dean, and Seamus would go to the library to do the research while Ron and Neville stood outside and tried to divert as many people as possible from entering the library and/or attacking Seamus. Harry had left due to an imminent Quidditch practice (the team was still angry about that pudding incident), but was planning on coming back when it was over.  
  
"That's later than you wanted isn't it?" Walking the Dog.  
  
"Unfortunately, yes. I was rather hoping it'd be done before finals. It'd be a lot easier for me to sneak off the grounds here than to sneak away from Mum. It'll have to do, though." Ron was blowing bubbles with his gum.  
  
"How exactly do you plan on getting away from her, anyways? You don't have an Invisibility Cloak, and you're not old enough to Apparate." Around the World.  
  
"I can't give away all of my secrets, Neville. Not even to my second-in-command. Sorry, chap." He looked at his nails in disdain. 'Note to self: find time for a manicure before tomorrow night.'  
  
"I understand. How goes the search for more Henchmen?" Rocking the Baby.  
  
"Swimmingly, glad you asked! I've got both the Creevys, four more Hufflepuffs including MacMillan, and even Crabbe and Goyle. Won't Malfoy be surprised over that bit?" Good Lord there was a lot of lint on his robes. He slowly began to pick it all off. And at that moment, a lightning-quick group of fourth year Ravenclaw girls ran into the library. Neither of them noticed, too caught up in plans and throwing a fast spinner.  
  
"Wow…Crabbe and Goyle? You're even better than I thought." The Break-Away.  
  
"Flattery, my dear Chief Henchman, will get you everywhere. By the by, I'm still working on that uniform dilemma we ran into at Christmas. I'm sure something can be worked out where you'll get your wish of having a blue one."  
  
"You're too good to me, sir." Sleeping Beauty.  
  
Another bubble pop. "Nothing's too good for my crew, Neville. Nothing." Sounds of screaming, giggling, and a loud crash were heard. "Huhn. Wonder what's happening in there?"  
At that moment, three very scared blurs of sandy, reddish-brown, and black hair came flying past. They were quickly followed by a herd of giggling girls. (And was that Madame Pince bringing up the rear?) Ron and Neville were mowed down flat by the females as they all blew past screaming things like "There he goes!" and "Oh I got part of his robe!"   
  
And Ron and Neville lay twitching on the ground in a daze.  
  
-----------------  
  
Seamus, Dean, and Blaise were men on the run.   
  
Slowly throughout the school, they had only managed to amass more and more girls chasing them. By the time they had gotten past the Great Hall, it had turned into something of Beatlemania proportions. Dean was now missing a sleeve on his Hogwarts robe, and Seamus's was gone entirely. Girls were screaming, running, trampling, and fainting. Somewhere along the way, Professor Vector had joined the chaos. Madame Hooch was flying through the school on her broom. Finch-Fletchley, Colin, a couple Slytherin boys, and the female house-elves were even involved. This was getting serious.  
  
"Blaise! Dean! You two go off by yourselves back to the library! Finish looking stuff up!"  
  
The two boys looked at each other confused. "But…what about…."  
  
"I'm going back to the Gryffindor Tower! I'll see if I can lose them! Go back and get more books and come up there in a half hour! I promise I'll be there!" Seamus then took off in the opposite direction of them as they doubled-back for the library. He bolted up the stairs and down the corridor to the Fat Lady.  
  
"PIXIEDUST!"  
  
"No."  
  
Seamus crashed face first into the Fat Lady. He fell back onto his rear end. "What???"  
  
"You can't go in. It's been awfully lonely out here in this frame all by myself…." She coyly batted her eyelashes at him.  
  
Mother of all creatures great and small, even the PAINTINGS were in love with him.  
  
The herd was closing in. 'Think, Finnigan, THINK!' The proverbial light bulb went off. He smiled at her. She blushed. He ran his fingers through his hair. She blushed more. "You know, pet…I don't think you and I know each other that well. What say you and I get better acquainted after you let me in to freshen up a bit, doll face?"  
  
The Fat Lady giggled, and then quickly opened. He screamed a hurried "Thanks, love!" as he bolted inside and up the stairs into the sixth year boys room. He ran in, quickly shut the door behind him, and stopped.  
  
Harry Potter was sitting on his bed trimming the twigs in his Firebolt, a very shocked look on his face. "Seamus…what---?"  
  
"HIDE ME! Hide me oh please Harry hide me! She can't hold them off forever!" The sounds of screaming could be heard coming nearer. "Ohcrudohcrudohcrud…." He then noticed an open window. Without even stopping to explain he grabbed Harry's broom and dove under his bed.  
  
"SEAMUS! WE'RE COMING IN FOR YOU DAR…oh." The girls stopped seeing only Harry. "Have you seen our Seamie-poo?"  
  
Harry licked his lips, then looked at the window. "He…just came in here all frantic. He…took my broom and went right out that window! You'd better hurry if you want to try and catch him!"  
  
There was a squeal from the girls, followed by mutterings of things like "He's so dreamy" and "Isn't Seamus clever." The herd quickly filed out the same way they came in, and eventually there was not a girlish scream to be heard. Harry ventured over to the door with his wand and placed a silencing charm on the room in addition to the standard locking spell.  
  
"You can come out now. The nasty little girls are gone."  
  
Seamus slowly came out from under the bed, Firebolt in hand. He was very pale.  
  
"Th…thanks, Harry. I owe you my life." He slowly placed the broom on the floor and sat in the chair next to the bed, as though he were going to faint. Harry walked over to him with a deep look of concern.  
  
"Are you sure you're going to be all right? You look as though you may snap at any moment…."   
  
"I…I'll be okay. Just a bit disturbed. I mean…the Fat Lady was hitting on me, Harry! I didn't think that this affected the bloody paintings! And now the house-elves…Justin…Colin…the teachers…I don't know how much more of this I can take!"  
  
"Seamus…listen to me. It'll be all right. The girls are gone. This will all be over soon." Harry had placed his hands on the despondent boy's shoulders as a gesture of comfort. "Good Lord, Seamus, you're awfully tense. You'll only pull something if you stay like that. Here…." Harry was now behind Seamus and started giving him a neck and shoulder rub.  
  
"Thanks, Harry. Where'd you learn to do this, anyhow?" 'Wow, he was right. I didn't realize how tense I was until now…it's a wonder I can even turn my head.'  
  
"Wood taught me back in first year. Something about not wanting his prized Seeker to have a sore neck."  
  
"Makes sense. You just wouldn't believe it. I don't know how those girls got past Ron and Neville but they did. They threw down several bookcases trying to get to us. We just kept running and I told Blaise and Dean to head back to the library to finish looking up the delusting potions. As I kept going, more and more people joined in. McGonagall, Trelawney, Hooch, Sinistra, Vector…it was insane! Flitwick tried to put a stop to it but he got carried off in the chaos! And Colin Creevy keeps taking my picture and I have more sympathy for you than ever and Justin's really living up to his "Flaming" nickname today, let me tell you! And then when I got to the Fat Lady, she wouldn't let me in. She started making passes at me, so I had to fli…Harry?" Seamus broke off suddenly, an alarmed look on his face.  
  
"Yes, Seamus?"  
  
"Are…are your hands up my shirt?"  
  
Harry had leaned down, his breath on Seamus's neck. "Don't act like you're not enjoying it," he purred in a tone that just screamed indecency. He then licked Seamus's ear.  
  
Oh for the love of God, NO!  
  
"Uhh…Harry…you…um…you're….?"  
  
"Crazy about you? Of course I am. How could I not be? You're so gorgeous and charming…completely irresistible." Yup. Harry's hands were still up his shirt. No wait, they were gone. Oh. Because Harry was standing in front of him with a very predatory look on his face. And then Harry's sweater was gone, leaving only the t-shirt he wore under his Quidditch uniform. And oh crap…Harry had just removed Seamus's as well. And now Harry was straddling his lap. "Mr. Finnigan, I'm not trying to seduce you…would you like me to seduce you?" One hand was running through the Irish boy's hair, another was unbuttoning his shirt. Harry's lips were on his neck.  
  
Dear God, the Boy Who Lived was *necking* him. And once more, Seamus was frozen in terror, only able to make incoherent squeaking sounds.   
  
And then the door blew open. And Ron, Blaise, Dean, and Neville came running in.  
  
"Seamus! Thank goodness we…oh…my…God." Dean stopped dead in his tracks.  
  
"Do you all MIND? I am trying to have some private time with Seamus. Can't you all come back, in say an hour or two?" Harry was glaring at them all, still comfortably on Seamus's lap.  
  
"Harry. Get away from him."   
  
"Hmmmm. No, I don't think I will." Harry went right back to familiarizing Seamus's neck with his mouth.  
  
Blaise sighed and drew his wand. "You leave me no choice. PETRIFICUS TOTALUS!"  
  
And Harry froze and fell off Seamus, who was still immobilized from terror.   
  
"Did I miss something?"  
  
Everyone (minus Harry, obviously) turned to stare at Neville.  
  
"I mean…uh…when did Harry become gay? I mean…last thing I knew, he was…there was that Cho thing fourth year. So…why with the gay? Or…is he just, you know, sort-of gay? I mean I can't be the only one confused by this…."  
  
Dean had a thoughtful look on his face. "You know…this explains a few things. The ABBA fixation for one. The fact that his favourite film is La Cage Aux Folles, that's not as confusing anymore either. And that time he danced with Malfoy…I wondered why he didn't run screaming at the thought of dancing with another guy."  
  
"Neville's right though. He has shown an attraction for girls. Chang is a good example. I'm guessing he's either confused or just bisexual." Blaise bit his lip. "Although why he hasn't said anything before now…that's rather strange isn't it?"  
  
"Um…guys?" Seamus had shaken himself back to reality and was standing up now.  
  
"Oh no! If Harry is gay/confused/in possesion of a door that swings both ways, you don't think people think…. That is…no one assumes we're a couple do they?" Ron was in a state of near-panic. "It's that quality I have, isn't it? Oh Merlin…everyone thinks I'm sleeping with Harry, don't they?!? They all think we're in love and we're going to go get illegally married and march in parades and stuff!! The whole school thinks I'm gay!"  
  
"Guys?" Seamus looked a bit irritated that he was being ignored.  
  
"Ron…get a grip. No one thinks you're gay."  
  
"Do…do you really mean that, Blaise? Because you know…I'm not! I'm really not!"  
  
"Well, obviously, moron. Otherwise you'd have shoved Harry off over there to get Seamus all to yourself." Dean had sat down at this point.  
  
"GUYS?!" Four heads turned to Seamus, as if they had suddenly remembered he was there.  
  
"Oh…what is it Seamus?"   
  
"The paintings are after me. Harry is after me. The teachers are after me. The house-elves are after me. And you're all trying to convince Ron that he's not gay!? Can we focus, please?"  
  
"There you are Finnigan! I want a word!"  
  
And as if today couldn't get any worse, Draco Malfoy was now standing in the doorway looking rather peeved.  
  
"Oh for the sake of all that's holy…Malfoy what do you want? If it's to make out with me…."  
  
Draco looked confused for a moment. "Make out…no. Although now that you mention it, you are rather fetching in this light." Seamus gave a small squeak. "No, I'm here about you stealing my date for tomorrow night."  
  
"Take a number and get in line, Ferret Boy. Seamus is sorry your girl's not interested at the moment, but he didn't do it in purpose." Ron rolled his eyes.  
  
"Girl? I'm talking about Finch-Fletchley. True there's a very fine line between Justin and a female but still…."  
  
Dean looked a bit ill. "And again with the 'Things Dean didn't need to hear'."   
  
Blaise just stared at his best friend. "Wait a moment. Draco…you're gay."  
  
Neville leaned in and whispered to Blaise. "Um…I think we gathered that point."  
  
"Neville…shush." He turned back to Draco. "Why aren't you trying to jump Seamus?"  
  
Draco arched an eyebrow. "I just said he looked fetching, didn't I? It's not for lack of desire, I assure you." Seamus squeaked again.  
  
"Then why no jumping?"  
  
"I'm a Malfoy." Ron rolled his eyes again. "This is about the most emotion you'll ever see from me publicly." He then noticed Harry on the floor. "What's with the Potthead statue? Or is it safe to assume from the hickeys and frightened look on Finnigan that somebody here was sexually harassed and didn't want to take it?"  
  
"For the most part, yes. I did the spell though, not Seamus."  
  
"Harry Potter's gay? Oh my…has Christmas come again so soon?"  
  
"He's not gay…he's…well…we don't know. Not really concerned with that right now. Draco, after Hermione you're the best person I know at Potions. We need your help."  
  
"Why my help? Why not just ask the Mudbl…." Blaise glared at him. "Ahem. Why not just ask Granger then? Or is she also after McCassanova over there?"  
  
"She's after 'McCassanova'." Dean stated. "Blaise and I were all over the books in the library and we couldn't find a single delusting potion that would work for this situation and we're running low on time. If we don't do something quickly, I have a feeling the school will be burned to the ground before the morning."  
  
Draco folded his arms. "What's in it for me? Money? Jewels? Endless fame and adulation?"  
  
"Your date for the dance back and I don't beat you soundly about the head and neck," Ron spat.  
  
"Eh. That'll do. Now then, Finnegan…what potion did you use?"  
  
"The Bravado Draught."  
  
"…Finnigan, you have to be something of a special moron for this to have turned out this way. Where did you get----"  
  
"Seamus baby?!?!"  
  
"Seamus?!"  
  
"Lover?"  
  
Okay, now the day could no longer get any worse. Ginny, Hermione, and Justin had just re-entered the fray. Ginny was still in her dress from earlier. Justin was wearing a green dress shirt with black dress slacks and had a bouquet of flowers. Hermione was in her dress robes and had rolls of parchment in her arms. And they were all glaring at each other.  
  
Crickets could be heard chirping in the room.  
  
-----------------  
  
The Ministry Forensics Team's results were inconclusive. Fudge then asked if there were any students that had been known to break rules repeatedly and if they could be brought in for questioning. Snape smiled evilly.  
  
-----------------  
  
The sixth year boys dorm room was a rather desolate place. Seamus was currently on his bed with his head buried in his hands, Ron and Neville on both sides to ensure he didn't get accosted. Draco and Blaise were conversing, trying to decide a strategy. Dean was rubbing his temples. Harry was still petrified. And Ginny, Hermione, and Justin were screaming at each other.  
  
"I SANG FOR HIM!"  
  
"WELL, I CAN GET HIM TOP MARKS!"  
  
"I HAVE TICKETS TO SEE THE FANTASTICKS!"  
  
"I'M HIS BEST FRIEND! I UNDERSTAND HIM!"  
  
"I'M MORE SEXUALLY EXPERIENCED THAN EITHER OF YOU!"  
  
"One more time with 'things Dean never wanted to hear', much?" Dean muttered. "Especially when it's Justin…."  
  
"I AM THE SMARTEST WITCH AT THIS SCHOOL! WATCH! FINITE INCANTATUM!"  
  
Harry was suddenly mobile again. "All of you are wrong. I'm the best one for Seamus. I can give him something that none of you can."  
  
Justin sputtered. "And just what is that?"  
  
"Fame. I'm famous, surely anyone I consort with will be as well. I can make Seamus a star."  
  
Hermione's eyes narrowed. "I've already done all of Seamus's homework for the rest of this month. And if I put in a good word, I can have it so he's Head Boy. And he'd be with the smartest girl in the Class of 1998. That would make him pretty famous as well."  
  
"We're talking internationally here, Hermione. Think of the headlines: 'Boy Who Lived and the One He Loves.' You can't buy a story like that."  
  
Justin tossed his hair over his shoulder. "Well! Isn't that just cute? Mr. I Hate Fame suddenly decides he wants to abuse it. You're such a…a…a bitch Potter!"  
  
Harry snorted. "It sure takes one to know one, sister." Justin's jaw dropped.  
  
"Oh no you didn't!" He lunged for Harry and the two started wrestling on the floor. Hermione smirked.  
  
"Two down…."  
  
"Oh no. You're not taking me out that easily, Granger. Especially when I'm obviously the only person who cares enough to help him!"  
  
Hermione glared at the redhead. "What are you going on about?"  
  
"If it hadn't been for me, Seamus wouldn't have known about page 457, that's what! He would never have gotten his confidence back without me!"  
  
The boys currently not kicking and swearing at each other on the floor all looked at each other.  
  
"Of course! Page 457! Why didn't I think of it sooner?!" Seamus grabbed Potions for Dummies and frantically turned to page 457. "Yup! The Bravado Draught!" He skimmed over the page. He then got really confused. "Wait…this isn't what I made. The ingredients are all wrong…there was no shrivelfig required. And where's the aster and wood sorrell?"  
  
"Seamus…are you sure you have the right page?" Neville looked at the book strangely.  
  
"Yes, this is the page that Ginny said. Unless…." Suddenly, his eyes widened and he turned green. "When I was getting my kit…I kicked the book closed. And when I reopened it…." He quickly turned to page 475.  
  
"The Appassionata Potion  
Only to be used sparingly, and in desperate measures.   
Overdosing can lead to fatalities.  
  
This potion's use is primarily in granting the drinker irresistibility to the object of one's desire. Only three drops of the finished draught are necessary for it to take affect; consuming any more than what is required will cause disaster. The more of the potion that is consumed, the more people with any inclination towards that person's gender will become infatuated with the wizard.  
  
Not recommended for use in densely populated areas, in practical jokes, as a sleep aid, or for parties. ABSOLUTELY NOT FOR USE WITH TEENAGERS.  
  
Should you overdose on this potion, turn to page 896 for the delusting agent…you pathetic sod."  
  
Dean slapped Seamus upside the head. "You wanker! You made the wrong damn potion! Why the hell didn't you pay more attention?! You bloody prat!"   
  
Draco shook his head. "Amazing. I didn't even think *you* capable of such stupidity, Finnigan."  
  
"Well…at least now we know how to make the counter potion. Let's just get to work on that and get this over with. I want my girlfriend back." Ron and Neville gave Blaise a weird look. "What? I can't be completely altruistic. Note the brandings of the house of Slytherin. Now then, back to work we go."  
  
After mixing various ingredients, some cursing, forcing Neville to promise to stay on the other side of the room, and repeatedly stepping over Harry and Justin, the potion was ready. Seamus eyed it warily.   
  
Ron handed him a straw. "Drink up, Lover Boy. You have a whole cauldron of that to finish. NOW."  
  
Seamus sighed, grabbed the straw, and started making his way through the cauldron. Soon enough, the whole thing was emptied. And he again had to take a massive piss. Fortunately the pathway to the lavatory wasn't blocked, and the potion started working almost instantaneously.  
  
Hermione and Ginny broke off in mid-argument and just stared at each other blankly. Harry let go of Justin's arm as Justin quit pulling on Harry's ears.  
  
"Um…what…what's going on? Why are you all staring at us?" Ginny looked down at her clothes. "And why am I dressed like Siegfried and Roy's assistant?" Ron, Neville, and Dean just stared at her. "What?"  
  
Blaise had run over to Hermione. "Hermione? Are you all right?"  
  
"Blaise…it's the strangest thing…why was I thinking I was in love with Seamus. That…that's crazy right? I wouldn't dump you for Seamus…." He just smiled and pulled her into his arms.  
  
Harry was avoiding Justin's stare and blushing. Justin had an eyebrow raised.  
  
"Erm…sorry. About the wrestling bit. Not normally my thing, you know…rolling around on the floor."  
  
"Yes, we all know you prefer chairs Potter…." Draco snickered. Harry's blush deepened.   
  
"It's quite all right, Harry. I didn't mind." Justin winked at him. Harry felt himself somehow get even redder. "In fact…should you ever want it to be a repeat performance, you know where to find me. And I promise we won't have an audience next time." Draco had walked over to him and had put his arm around the other boy's shoulders. "That's my cue! Later all…so long, Harry." Another wink and the two boys left.  
  
Ginny yelped. "Oh my god! Terry! I have to go find him and apologize!" She ran out the room with a very happy Blaise and Hermione following.   
  
The three remaining boys stared at Harry.  
  
Harry shifted and stared at the floor.  
  
The three boys kept staring.  
  
"Uhm…right. So I guess…I have a bit of explaining to do?"  
  
"You're gay." Ron's lack of tact really was astounding sometimes.  
  
"No…no I wouldn't say gay." Harry bit his lip.  
  
"Confused?"  
  
"No…not confused. Bisexual. There. That works."  
  
"Right. And you were planning on telling us…when? It's not like we were going to think less of you or something."  
  
Harry winced. "I know…I just…there never seemed to be a good time. It's not something you just randomly drop over lunch you know. 'Hey guys I have Quidditch practice tonight and oh yeah my door swings both ways. Pass the chips'." The others nodded in understanding. "Glad it doesn't change your opinion of me though…truth be told, I was a bit concerned about that."  
  
Neville smiled. "No problem, Harry. Um…just don't sit on my lap anytime soon." Ron and Dean snickered as Harry fidgeted.  
  
And at that moment, Seamus finally returned from the loo. "I take it everything's worked itself out then."  
  
The four other boys all glared at him.  
  
"Eh-heh. Um…I'm sorry?"  
  
The glaring continued.  
  
"Uh…I'll never make potions out of class again?"  
  
The glaring continued.  
  
"And…I won't use easy fixes for my love life?"  
  
Still with the glares.  
  
"And…I'll…do all of the cleaning and chores in the room for a month?"  
  
The glares stopped.  
  
"Whew. I really am sorry. It was a mistake and I should have paid more attention."  
  
Dean looked at him. "Seamus, we know. It's over. Just be more careful." Seamus nodded. "Oh, and Seamus?"  
  
"Yes?"  
  
"My bed needs clean sheets. Get to it."  
  
-----------------  
  
Epilogue: The following evening, right before the Ball  
  
The plan was for everyone to meet in the Gryffindor common room and for them all to head down as a group. Blaise and Draco were sitting on one of the couches, having been let in by Harry a moment ago. (As he didn't have a date and there hadn't really been anyone he had wanted to ask, Harry would not be attending the ball.) Terry was talking to Harry about schoolwork and Justin was sitting on Draco's other side. Ron, Dean, and Seamus were just exiting their room. Seamus looked especially excited.  
  
"Come on, Seamus! You have to tell us who your date is!" Ron had been bothering the other boy about it all day.  
  
"Fine. You really want to know? It's…it's Mandy Brocklehurst. I had sent her that telegram and she turned me down, but only because it weirded her out. Something about getting teased with the song as a child. When I asked her normally she accepted."  
  
Dean's eyes widened. "That was YOU who sent the 'Mandy' telegram to her?" Seamus nodded. "Well, she was right to refuse you. That song is terrible."  
  
"What song?" All of the non-Muggle-born students looked confused.  
  
"It's this song by this terrible Barry Manilow guy. Something like 'Oh Mandy! You came and you gave without taking! When you kissed me you stopped me from shaking! And I need you today oh Mandy'!" Dean made a face. "Honestly…of all the songs…."  
  
At that moment, Lavender, Ginny, Parvati, and Hermione made their way down the stairs. The boys all gaped appreciatively.   
  
All of a sudden the painting burst open and a dozen Aurors all ran into the room with their wands drawn. "FREEZE! HANDS ABOVE YOUR HEADS!" The scared kids did as they were told. "Please move forward when we recite your name. Stand in a line in the order you are called. Virginia Weasley, Seamus Finnegan, Ronald Weasley, Hermione Granger, Harry Potter, Blaise Zabini, Draco Malfoy, and Justin Finch-Fletchley." The named students had all done as they were told. "By Order of Cornelius Fudge, Minister of Magic, you are all under arrest for Violation of Code 22798-B, Section H, Paragraph 9." The students were all getting handcuffed. As the shock of what was happening wore off, they all started talking at once.  
  
"You can't do this! My father is the Head of the Misuse of Muggle Artifacts Division!"  
  
"And my father is Lucius Malfoy. You'll be quite sorry."  
  
"What the hell did I do?!?"  
  
"…I am never touching a book again. Never. Obviously no good comes of me being anywhere near the things…."  
  
"Terrific. First I'm 'outed,' now I'm going to jail. Rita Skeeter's going to have a field day with this…."  
  
"I can't go to prison! I'll be made into someone's bitch within five minutes! I'm far too dainty for prison!!"  
  
"*sob* Good-bye Head Girl…it was nice thinking I could have the chance…."  
  
"All I wanted was a date to the ball…is that asking so much?"  
  
The students had been escorted out to the paddy wagon and shoved into the back. The doors were shut and one of the Aurors hit the side. The driver started the engine and drove off. Colin took pictures of it driving away.  
  
~Once more, with the being spent!~  
  
Notes from Dommi time!  
  
The title of this story is from The Appassionata, also known as Piano Sonata Number 23 in F Minor, Op. 57. It was composed in 1804 by none other than Ludwig Von Beethoven. It consists of three movements and is considered one of the most difficult classical pieces to perform. It also happens to be my favourite piece of classical music. The potion in this story takes it's name also from this sonata; the potion that Seamus intended to create, the Bravado Draught, takes it's name from a synonym for bravery or boldness. Hence why it was a confidence-instilling potion. (And I am well aware of the irony of using such an obscure reference as a title for such a silly fanfic. I'm nothing if not a study in contradictions.)  
  
This story is inspired by a recent episode of "Buffy the Vampire Slayer", entitled "Him." (My best friend pointed out the concept sounds more like "Bewitched, Bothered, and Bewildered," but as I have honestly never seen it, I can't really say that's where I got the concept from, can I?) I also borrowed Lavender's "vapid whore" line from the episode titled "Homecoming." What can I say…Joss Whedon is a fantastic writer and occasionally I am derivative and lame.  
  
The song Ginny sings is "Waterloo" by ABBA. Notice Harry correcting her on one of the lines. ^_~ The song the telegram sings to Mandy is, oddly enough, "Mandy" by Barry Manilow.  
  
The ending and the bits with the Aurors are indeed taken from "Monty Python and the Holy Grail." I have to keep my tradition with completely random and stupid endings, don't I? ^_~  
  
"I'm good enough, I'm smart enough, and gosh darnit! People like me!" Ginny does indeed try to get Seamus to recite Stuart Smalley's inspirational speech from SNL.  
  
"There's something about Seamus." Yes, a reference to "There's Something about Mary," the Cameron Diaz flick. I've mentioned numerous times I'm sick haven't I?  
  
"I'm not trying to seduce you. Would you like me to seduce you?" Yes, we can just start calling Harry Mrs. Robinson. "The Graduate" is an excellent movie.   
  
"I don't have a quality, do I?" and "It's me saying things like that isn't it?" Ron's belief that people think he's gay and how that has no bearing on reality is taken directly from Chandler on "Friends." Specifically the episode in which Ross and Monica's grandmother dies and they all go to the funeral.  
  
Etoile Zisselman, the third year Hufflepuff: Product of my own addled imagination. Name taken from…we'll call it a work thing and leave it at that. *hugs to Adrienne and Cristi*  
  
Oh and to anyone who spotted that in Easier Said, Harry asked Blaise about some things that he himself enjoyed and then stating that Blaise was gay…yes, I did do that on purpose. When I get around to writing the prequel fics, you'll see more of those traits, and more latent foreshadowing about Harry's door swinging both ways. Aren't I clever? 


End file.
